IF THERE IS ANYTHING THAT HELPS a hurting person more than spoken words it is written words. Following the death of the author and wife son, they received so many written expressions of comfort. And this went on for six or seven years - that's what helped so much.

Write reminders on your calendar to send notes every three to four months for at least two years. All it takes is one person doing this; your act of caring sends the message, "Your loss is not forgotten."

Perhaps the most important part of sending a note is to put it in your own handwriting. Many letters that you write will be kept and reread for years.

Share the Word of God.

When you find yourself struggling with what to say, Scripture verses, including the following, can be helpful:

When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up - the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, your Saviour, the Holy One of Israel .... Don't be afraid, for I am with you. (Isaiah 43:2-3, 5 TLB)

He heals the brokenhearted .... (Psalm 147:3 NASB)

He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. (Hebrews 13:5 KJV)

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you. (Isaiah 41:10)

When I pray, you answer me, and encourage me by giving me the strength I need. (Psalm 138:3 TLB)

If the loss was traumatic in some way, you may struggle with what to say. Grief is intensified if there was no opportunity to say good-bye, like in the case of accidents, fatal heart attacks, homicide, suicide, etc. Often when a death occurs in this way there is an intensity of feelings that can include regrets, guilt, shame, anger, or rejection.

H. Norman Wright, author of Helping Those Who Hurt (Compassionate and Practical Ways to Offer Comfort)